Law Blog
Friday, November 30, 2007
Healing Personal Wounds
The Wounded and the Wounder
By Geoff Geiger
November 29, 2007
There are those in life who wound us very deeply.
Usually these people are close to our hearts, people we love and respect.
We have trusted them and have shared or tried to share with them the deeper aspects of ourselves.
The one who wounds might be a parent, a child, a teacher, a once-trusted friend, a husband, a wife, a lover.
Sometimes the wound is inflicted with conscious and malicious intent. But more often the wound is cut from a place of weakness and blindness. Often we are not aware that we are inflicting the wound at the very moment the act is taking place.
That the wounded person can heal is part of the good news. And the healing process goes something like this:
(1) Come to understand that one is wounded.
(2) Be open to experiencing the inner pain we must travel through to heal without resorting to addictions or mindless escapes.
(3) Give the wound the time it needs to heal.
(4) Protect oneself from further wounding by setting necessary limits.
(5) Become increasingly aware, day by day, of life’s beauty, and let it bathe and cleanse the spirit.
And the last two are the icing on the cake:
(6) Forgive, and
(7) be kind and loving to the wounder.
For the wounder to heal is probably more difficult. But the essential steps
are these:
(1) Acknowledge to oneself that one has inflicted the wound.
(2) If possible, acknowledge this also to the person one has wounded.
(3) Be open to hearing the wounded one’s truth, uncensored.
(4) Accept this truth without argument or commentary, and thank the person for expressing it.
(5) Ask forgiveness from the wounded, or God, or yourself, or all sentient beings, or from any combination of the above that works.
(6) Release all guilt.
(7) Become more conscious of one’s inner demons, and (8) make progress in wounding less.
The wounder’s journey requires a willingness to look deeply at the dark, shadow side of oneself. Not everyone can walk this road, which can be both humbling and terrifying. But for those who do, there is great opportunity to break the bonds of the cycle of wounds.
And for the wounded one who heals, there is a deepening compassion and a level of layered understanding that can bestow exquisite gifts of healing to a hurting world.
It is part of the human dilemma, tragedy and opportunity that we are all both
wounded and wounders.Labels: Marriage tips
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tax Free Education Plans as Child Support
Child support can be paid into an education fund allowing tax deductions for the payor, a tax free fund for the payee parent, and a growing education fund for the child. Most funds are designed to save for college expenses.
Did you know that some of the tax-advantaged plans for education can benefit children in grades K-12? Most plans that we think of are designed to help college students, but there are at least two types of program that can help pay for school expenses of younger students.
Coverdell Education Savings Accounts (“ESA”s) can pay expenses of a beneficiary beginning with kindergarten and going up through graduate school. A maximum of $2000 can be contributed per child, per year. There are income limits for the donor, but they are quite high: donations are restricted beginning at $95,000 of taxable income on a single return and $190,000 on a joint return.
Here’s how the Coverdell ESA works: money is contributed to a child’s plan or plans. Income earned in that account is tax-free as long as the plan assets are used to provide a surprisingly wide variety of education expenses. Funds for students K-12 can be used to provide tuition and fees, books, supplies, equipment, uniforms, transportation, tutoring, and computer access. Costs for special need students may also be included. In addition, money in a Coverdell ESA may be rolled over into a Sec. 529 Qualified Tuition Plan.
Financial assistance can also be provided to children in grades K-12 via scholarships. While this isn’t something that parents can fund for their children, it is important to be aware that scholarships exist for children in grades K-12. Scholarship funds are not taxable income as long as the scholarship is used to pay tuition, required fees, and course-related expenses, such as books, supplies and equipment. Some scholarship grants permit funds to be used for other expenses, such as room and board. If funds are used for this second category of expense, the scholarship grant is subject to income tax.
Want more information?
Ask the IRS for IRS Publication 970 Tax Benefits for Education is full of good ideas. It’s available online at www.irs.gov.
Or contact your accountant, tax attorney or estate planner.
Provided by Mildred Brown, CPA , Oakland CA
November 20, 2007Labels: Tax
posted by Susan Jeffries at
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