Law Blog
Friday, November 30, 2007
Healing Personal Wounds
The Wounded and the Wounder
By Geoff Geiger
November 29, 2007
There are those in life who wound us very deeply.
Usually these people are close to our hearts, people we love and respect.
We have trusted them and have shared or tried to share with them the deeper aspects of ourselves.
The one who wounds might be a parent, a child, a teacher, a once-trusted friend, a husband, a wife, a lover.
Sometimes the wound is inflicted with conscious and malicious intent. But more often the wound is cut from a place of weakness and blindness. Often we are not aware that we are inflicting the wound at the very moment the act is taking place.
That the wounded person can heal is part of the good news. And the healing process goes something like this:
(1) Come to understand that one is wounded.
(2) Be open to experiencing the inner pain we must travel through to heal without resorting to addictions or mindless escapes.
(3) Give the wound the time it needs to heal.
(4) Protect oneself from further wounding by setting necessary limits.
(5) Become increasingly aware, day by day, of life’s beauty, and let it bathe and cleanse the spirit.
And the last two are the icing on the cake:
(6) Forgive, and
(7) be kind and loving to the wounder.
For the wounder to heal is probably more difficult. But the essential steps
are these:
(1) Acknowledge to oneself that one has inflicted the wound.
(2) If possible, acknowledge this also to the person one has wounded.
(3) Be open to hearing the wounded one’s truth, uncensored.
(4) Accept this truth without argument or commentary, and thank the person for expressing it.
(5) Ask forgiveness from the wounded, or God, or yourself, or all sentient beings, or from any combination of the above that works.
(6) Release all guilt.
(7) Become more conscious of one’s inner demons, and (8) make progress in wounding less.
The wounder’s journey requires a willingness to look deeply at the dark, shadow side of oneself. Not everyone can walk this road, which can be both humbling and terrifying. But for those who do, there is great opportunity to break the bonds of the cycle of wounds.
And for the wounded one who heals, there is a deepening compassion and a level of layered understanding that can bestow exquisite gifts of healing to a hurting world.
It is part of the human dilemma, tragedy and opportunity that we are all both
wounded and wounders.Labels: Marriage tips
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tax Free Education Plans as Child Support
Child support can be paid into an education fund allowing tax deductions for the payor, a tax free fund for the payee parent, and a growing education fund for the child. Most funds are designed to save for college expenses.
Did you know that some of the tax-advantaged plans for education can benefit children in grades K-12? Most plans that we think of are designed to help college students, but there are at least two types of program that can help pay for school expenses of younger students.
Coverdell Education Savings Accounts (“ESA”s) can pay expenses of a beneficiary beginning with kindergarten and going up through graduate school. A maximum of $2000 can be contributed per child, per year. There are income limits for the donor, but they are quite high: donations are restricted beginning at $95,000 of taxable income on a single return and $190,000 on a joint return.
Here’s how the Coverdell ESA works: money is contributed to a child’s plan or plans. Income earned in that account is tax-free as long as the plan assets are used to provide a surprisingly wide variety of education expenses. Funds for students K-12 can be used to provide tuition and fees, books, supplies, equipment, uniforms, transportation, tutoring, and computer access. Costs for special need students may also be included. In addition, money in a Coverdell ESA may be rolled over into a Sec. 529 Qualified Tuition Plan.
Financial assistance can also be provided to children in grades K-12 via scholarships. While this isn’t something that parents can fund for their children, it is important to be aware that scholarships exist for children in grades K-12. Scholarship funds are not taxable income as long as the scholarship is used to pay tuition, required fees, and course-related expenses, such as books, supplies and equipment. Some scholarship grants permit funds to be used for other expenses, such as room and board. If funds are used for this second category of expense, the scholarship grant is subject to income tax.
Want more information?
Ask the IRS for IRS Publication 970 Tax Benefits for Education is full of good ideas. It’s available online at www.irs.gov.
Or contact your accountant, tax attorney or estate planner.
Provided by Mildred Brown, CPA , Oakland CA
November 20, 2007Labels: Tax
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Friday, October 5, 2007
Can I take money out of our joint account?
What are the funds normally used for? If they are necessary for maintaining the CP business, then you need to take that into account. But if they are just savings, then you can take them before you file or are served with the Petition for divorce.
LEGALLY, there is no prohibition against doing this. Prior to filing the Petition, there are no ATROS in effect. My argument would be that taking the money is simply to preserve the CP assets until properly adjudicated by the court. There are fiduciary duties owed to the other spouse (which ARE effective prior to filing a Petition) under Family Code section 721 which require each to deal with the other in the highest duty of honesty, good faith, and fair dealing. The location of the money must be DISCLOSED immediately to the other spouse.
FC section 721 requires each spouse to 1) provide access to the BOOKS, 2) disclose all INFORMATION about the transaction, and 3) HOLD AS TRUSTEE any CP money inhis/her control.
ETHICALLY, there is no problem with such a transfer, based upon a reasonable belief that he/she is preserving a CP asset (as opposed to the unethical goal of "bleeding him dry.") the spouse can preserve MORE THAN HALF of the money if, for example, there is $25,000 in CP credit card debts that need to be paid off.
In conclusion, I do not see anything illegal, or unethical, about grabbing control of the "disputed" CP money. There should be enough left in the account that is "reasonably" not in dispute as being a part of the other spouse’s share. Then immediately disclose in writing the transfer, including the bank information, account number, and balance, and advise husband that the money will be preserved until the court can adjudicate division of same. And finally, inform in writing that $10,000 of the money was paid to her attorney as a retainer toward anticipated attorney's fees.Labels: Marriage tips
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Property division procedure
Divorce starts by filing the Petition, and filing the Response. Then you start working on the financial issues to determine spousal/child support and property division. (Child custody and visitation issues are resolved separately from the property and support issues) First you make a list of what assets you have, then you add the current value for each asset, and any related debts. Then you list all the debts, the creditor and what the money was for.
The court requires full and complete disclosure of all financial information before any settlement is signed and will not issue the final judgement without full disclosure by each party.
We have special forms and worksheets to make this simpler for our clients.
Working with an attorney, you determine what is legally separate or community property. The separate property belongs to the owner and is not divided. The community property must have a current value (by agreement or appraisal) before it can be divided.
Finally, the community property is added up, divided by two, and then distributed so each person gets half of the value.
As long as no one stalls the process, the disputes may be small and can be resolved by a joint meeting of the parties and their advisors.
You can bring disputes to a mediator, a private judge or even a trusted neighbor. If you agree, the "mediator" drafts a "Memorandum of Understanding" to put your agreement on paper. The MOU is NOT a legally binding document. One attorney drafts the legal agreement for the other party to review and approve. It becomes legally binding when it is approved by the court.Labels: Procedure Tips
posted by Susan Jeffries at
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a process you can use to resolve disputes. If you have no dispute, you do not need mediation.
Mediators do not have to be attorneys. A mediator can be anyone you trust who can help you resolve your dispute. However, you do need to know the legal basis for your position before you start the process or any negotiation.
A Mediator is not working as an attorney and should not prepare legally binding documents on the disputed issue.
The best way to mediate is to have a neutral mediator manage the negotiations while each party consults privately with their own attorney who helps them understand the issues, the facts and the law and helps develop a negotiation and settlement strategy.
My firm works with parties in mediation all the time. Often the client represents him/her self and we only "consult and counsel" them as they request. This saves client's money because we do not work directly with opposing party at all.
If you have questions about mediation, we can help you with them.Labels: Mediation
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
New Case: pension division
Where the trial court found in a 1980 dissolution judgment that wife was
entitled to an interest in husband’s pension pursuant to the "Brown
Formula," but record did not reflect either an agreement of the parties to
employ the "time rule" or a judicial exercise of discretion to do so, it
was error for court to conclude 25 years later that Brown Formula was
synonymous with time rule. Given usage at the time and other
circumstances, reference to the Brown Formula is reasonably interpreted as an
indication that the court had then determined the community to have an
interest in husband’s pension and had directed that total accrued benefits
at retirement would be divided in kind in the future exercise of the
court’s discretion. In re Marriage of Gray - filed August 28, 2007,
publication ordered September 21, 2007, Sixth District Cite as 2007
SOS 5896
This is what happens if the formula for division is not stated in the court order or in the marital settlement agreement. They divided the pension and Wife may not not be able to get a "lump sum" cash distribution. She may take monthly payments instead. SLJ
posted by Susan Jeffries at
Friday, September 21, 2007
CoMamas Association
CoMamas Association: Two women who write about the relationship between mothers and stepmothers.
posted by Susan Jeffries at
|
